This is Halloween

Today’s temper tantrum is sponsored by the Inadequate Halloween Costume. Apparently this is a thing. Apparently kids decide THE DAY before Halloween (or two days, or the day of, or whatever) that their Halloween costume is not worthy of wear.

Since we are such clairvoyant parents, we thought it would be best to wait until the last minute to purchase a Halloween costume for our dear boy. We kind of saw this coming with Harrison, as his antics have long predicted that he might be capable of such unhappy despair. He has been talking about being a dinosaur for months. We looked at costumes online for hours, but none seemed to match his refined tastes. There was brief mention of a skeleton, and I think Justin tried to talk him into being Donald Trump one night. We had a backup pirate costume in case something came up, but Harrison made it clear that he did not want to be a pirate. Well, since we were out of town earlier in the week, the kids’ preschool teacher sent me a message last night telling me the kids would be wearing costumes today for a parade. No problem, though, right, because I’m Super Prepared Mom, and we had those good old pirate costumes on deck waiting for a purpose. I retrieved aforementioned costumes from the depths of the basement last night and set them out nicely, so our morning would go smoothly, and we could just bound off to preschool when everyone was up and ready.

Harrison, that kid, you know, he’s always one step ahead of me. Although I had a perfectly wonderful getup for him, he was in a fit because he didn’t have a dinosaur costume. I explained tirelessly that it was not Halloween, that this was just a fun thing to do at school, and that we were still going to get a dinosaur costume. This wasn’t good enough. In fact, he decided that he’d be upset that he had to wear clothes at all to school. And, that, my friends, is why I showed up to preschool with a child who was half dressed. (On a side note, I also threatened to cancel Halloween, but I was talked out of it by a good friend who reminded me that you simply do not cancel Halloween this early in the game. Save that shit for when he’s seven.)

But it gets better. I DID take my boy to get his costume. We went to the special Halloween store and everything. We perused the aisles until I found the ONLY dinosaur costume in his size. And guess what? It was beautiful. It was a T-rex costume that would scare the socks off of any other preschooler on the block.

Losing My Mind

I am quite literally losing my mind. I am getting dumber by the minute. I’m going to go ahead and attribute this drastic decrease in brain function to the fact that my day revolved around peanut butter sandwiches and nap schedules. Yes, that’s right. My children are making me stupid. I have a few key events that have led me to believe I am no longer the quick, smart young whippersnapper I once was.

Here’s the first one: I suggested to my mother in law that we meet for lunch. She named the town, I picked the restaurant. Except the restaurant I chose was not in that town. And I know this. But why, then, did I drive to aforementioned town anyway? Why did I completely forget that a restaurant I frequently visit was in a different town, and proceed to drive AWAY from it? Luckily, my mother in law loves me enough to overlook my geographical ineptitude.

Speaking of geography, I had another mishap just this morning driving back to Bath. Now, for those of you who don’t know, we just moved from Bath to Boothbay, which is a mere 35 minute drive. I take this drive at least three times a week. So, why then, did I go down the wrong road without realizing it for FIFTEEN minutes?? After dropping the kids off at daycare, I headed to Bath for a meeting. I was enjoying the foliage, and I noticed how pretty the scenery was. When I questioned myself on whether or not I recognized the buildings I passed by, I assumed I had just never noticed them, since I’m usually driving around with the kids and they are highly distracting individuals.

And finally, what’s putting me over the edge here is my new love for the television show, Scandal. Thanks to that show, I have two serious problems: A) All I do in my free time is binge watch Netflix and B) I believe everything is a conspiracy. I refused to let the doctor give my kids flu shots yesterday because I had to “look into it”. This was not odd in itself, except we have given the kids flu shots all along. I also had a panic attack about the fluoride treatments the dentist prescribed to Harrison.

So, what is it?? Am I not getting enough sleep? Does stay at home motherhood do this to everyone? Do I need to get out and find other human beings who don’t spend their days chasing around tiny humans? Hopefully I’ll find my direction soon-both literally and figuratively.