The other day I did something to my back. Right when I was about to do the laundry, I pulled my arms back (because, you know, laundry requires a good stretch) and all of a sudden, I couldn’t move my arms or my neck. I tried to crouch down into child’s pose because for some reason that seemed like a good idea. But of course then I couldn’t get up, so there I was in the entry way of the laundry room in a ball on the floor. Not long after, Harrison came in looking for me. I told him Mommy was in a lot of pain and he said, “Oh. Can I have a snack?” So yeah, my kid is really sensitive.
Well anyway, somehow I managed to get up and get myself to the couch. The kids were really concerned at this time because it’d been a good ten minutes since they’d eaten anything and they thought starvation was imminent if I didn’t snap out of it soon. I sent Justin a text telling him he might need to come home because I hurt my back and couldn’t move.
His reply: Oh that’s too bad. Let me know.
But seriously. Your wife is home with your two young children and she can’t move. And you need her to “let you know” if you should come home and take care of things??? I decide, however, that I can probably make it through until he comes home at his normal time, because what could go wrong? It’s just Harrison and Ella we’re talking about here.
Luckily for the well-being of our marriage, Justin decided he should come home to make sure things were alright. By that time, the kids were running around the house like maniacs, the laundry I hadn’t been able to fold was strewn across the living room, and I was on the couch. And the following events will explain why I didn’t beg him to come home in the first place.
- Ella had a stinky diaper. If ever Justin has to change a stinky diaper, he turns on his actor voice and you can hear him from down the street saying, “OK, fine, I’ll change this diaper, IF I HAVE TO. Come here Ella. Come over here. No, Ella. Don’t run away. Oh, GOD how I hate changing stinky diapers!” and so on. So, I literally rolled myself off the couch and crawled over to her to change her diaper because I didn’t want to hear his drama. If you’re wondering why I didn’t just give him the benefit of the doubt, it’s because when I said, “Oh Ella, you need a new diaper”, Justin scurried into the kitchen and out of sight as fast as possible. So much for him coming home to help out.
- BUT THEN! And this one really got me. All of a sudden, Justin’s ailments came pouring out. Because everyone knows that moms can’t be sick or hurt, and if they are, someone in the house is worse off. So he was picking up one of the kids and all of a sudden, I hear “OUCH! My wrist!” My eyes rolled so far back in my head that I’m pretty lucky they didn’t get stuck there. Following his painful wrist, there was also some back pain, and I think a sinus infection, and finally a hangnail or two before the night was over.
- The final and favorite of all events was Justin’s ever-so-sensitive comment, “So, I guess this means you’re not making dinner.” Yeah buddy. Order some pizza or whatever because I think me not being able to stand is clue enough that I’m not going to whip up a nice meal for the family.
After some naproxen sodium, and a couple days of not exercising, my back seems to be better, thank goodness, because ain’t nobody got time for that. Especially not a mom. I’m back to changing diapers (oh wait, I never stopped…) and cooking dinner so everyone can rest easy now. Justin, however, is still in recovery from his hangnail.