It has been a long time since I’ve posted here, and I apologize for that. Not only to you, but to myself-this is my outlet and my safe place. I certainly should be making more time.
Each year, in the late spring, I kind of lose my self. We (Justin) used to attribute it to the change in pace. As a school teacher, the regularly scheduled programs come to an abrupt stop, and I’d be left to fill my summer days with new activities. People with anxiety sometimes don’t do well without structure, and my structure always went out the window with the last student’s gleeful cries of summer freedom. I’d spend the first few weeks with a workout plan and lunch dates. I’d make lists of books to read. I spent hours and hours in my classroom preparing for the next set of students. But after I realized that I was the only one who cared where I was or what I was doing, and all of the planning really wasn’t THAT necessary, I’d slowly unravel. The naps would be longer. The tears would be more frequent. I was full of energy and exhausted all at the same time. As a stay at home mom, things are a little different, but I can’t honestly tell you I’m any more sane than I was before.
This time, it’s the kids who are rounding out their school year at the end of this week. Now, I’m faced with two little sets of eyeballs, waiting patiently to see what Mommy has planned. They’re trusting in me that I will have days upon days of summer fun prepared for them, and I can’t lie: I’m a little nervous.
When it comes to television watching, I know we surpass the daily limit. But I do not want to go down that road this summer with all sorts of free, unplanned time, because I know they could sit there in front of the tube for hours on end, wasting all of the sunshine.
Right now, I’m penciling in story hours and play dates. I’m scheduling camp dates and writing lists of places we can get ice cream. We are also going to visit every playground in the Midcoast Region. It’s possible that we will have a nice list of new places to have temper tantrums by the end of this season. I want so badly to have an amazing summer with Harrison and Ella, and I’m a little afraid that I’ll unravel. But this time, it won’t be just me who is amidst a tangle of forgotten routines. It will be them too. They deserve a mom who can make this all work, and I hope I can be that mom for them.