The latest adventure our family had was a trip to visit my brother in Pittsburgh. Patrick loves his time with his niece and nephew, and he usually spends a lot of time planning their time together so that plenty of chaos can ensue. This trip did not disappoint. There was chaos everywhere, and as a matter of fact, it all started before we even got out of bed the morning we left.
“Oh shit,” I heard Justin say as he read his emails beside me. I hadn’t even opened my eyes yet, and I already had reason to worry. When he does this my anxiety level instantly rises because a million bad things race through my mind. Does he all of a sudden have to work this weekend? Were our bank accounts hacked? Is someone sick or dead? It turns out that the airline changed our connecting flight so that we now had a four hour layover at the Laguardia Airport. This, to me, is not a crisis. This is a simple little blip on the radar screen of crisis. I actually do not mind a bit of time in the airport because I like to get myself settled: No need to rush through security, some time to go to the bathroom, scope out the shopping, and sit and relax before the plane boards. Needless to say, Justin does NOT like downtime. He somehow managed to change our flight again so that we now had a 45 minute layover. Visions of running through the terminal danced through my head. But it got BETTER.
Since Justin loves to maximize his time, he had planned to take Harrison and himself to get haircuts on the way to the airport. This was a planned event. We talked about it. We decided when we would leave the house. I was cool with this. But as I started loading the bags into the car, I noticed that Justin was in the garage. With power tools. Then the power tools made their way to my van. “What could we possibly be doing with power tools on our way to the airport?” I thought. Mind you, I knew better than to ask. My Xanax was already packed away. I knew I couldn’t handle the truth, so I just let it go.
Once we got into the car, the real fun started. Our first stop was to Dunkin’ Donuts. We don’t have one in town, and every time Justin leaves the peninsula, he HAS to get a coffee. The kids also see this as a time to fill up on donuts. By the way, we found out that Harrison can’t have sugar, but that’s a story for another day.
Come to find out, the power tools were so Justin could break into a shed that we actually own at our old house. Nothing like a little criminal action before you go on vacation. Justin is reminding me that it wasn’t actually criminal because it was OUR shed, and he simply lost the key. He also is reminding me that our lawn wouldn’t get mowed while we were gone if the lawnmower remained locked in that shed. I was afraid I’d let it slip to airport security that we broke into a shed on our way to the airport and then we’d be arrested. But that’s only because my meds were stashed in my suitcase, and sometimes when I get nervous I overshare. It turns out that TSA does not care what you did before you got to the airport.
After this, it was time for the haircuts. The plan was for Ella and I to go to the coffee shop (Yes, I had gotten coffee at Dunkin’ too; don’t judge a girl and her caffeine.) and Harrison and Justin to go to the barber shop. Since Ella just had a donut, she was completely unimpressed that she wasn’t allowed to have any treats at the coffee shop. We got out of there with little incident, despite her disappointment.
So then Ella and I walked back to the car, which was parked outside the barber shop. For some reason, Justin and Harrison had decided to go to a DIFFERENT barber shop, and were now three blocks away. This is only a long distance when you have a two year old in tow who insists that she “walk by myfelf”. Justin sends me a text telling me where he is and notifying me that Harrison’s pants keep falling down. He wants to buy him a belt. Today. Right now. On the way to the airport. No big deal right? So we walk BACK up to the other barber shop and then meet up with the boys to buy a belt, because we have “plenty of time”. Meanwhile, the barber gave Harrison a lollipop for his good behavior. Justin learned from the last time that he had to ask for a lollipop for Ella as well (because, fairness); however, the barber WOULDN’T LET HIM HAVE ANOTHER ONE. This, my friends, is what we call an injustice. On we go to the store to get a belt, except that the store has no belt for four year old boys. It does however, have LOTS of toys. Ella happened to find a baby doll that she NEEDED to own. If I was given a reprieve in the coffee shop for her disappointment, I was punished twofold for making her leave that store without the baby doll. Justin promised Ella that if she was a good girl on the airplane that Uncle Patrick would buy her a baby doll in Pittsburgh. (It turned out that there was no need for Patrick to buy any dolls that weekend.) So now, still 40 minutes from the airport, we have a little girl who is distraught at the unfairness of life and lack of baby dolls in her world, along with a little boy whose pants won’t stay up. Instead of just heading to the airport at this point, Justin decided to pay some bills. So, we went to TWO different banks, and then just for fun, Justin told me he needed to stop at the grocery store. I was just about to lose my mind at this point. He returns from the grocery store with flowers and a balloon for his sister because it happened to be her birthday. Try telling a two and four year old that the balloon in the car is NOT for them. Try it. I dare you.
Our next stop was to my sister in law’s place of employment where we delivered flowers and the balloon very quickly because even Justin recognized the value of time at this point in our trip.
We had just enough time at that point for me to spill my coffee on my shirt (it was the Dunkin’ Donuts one-that’s what I get for going commercial brand-the coffee shop one stayed nicely in its cup and in my mouth) before we arrived at the airport. The good news is that we made it just in time to board the plane. Justin perceived this as enough time to get another coffee and go shopping in the airport bookstore. I actually boarded the plane with a double stroller, a car seat, two toddlers, four carry on bags, and no husband. He eventually made it and could not understand for the life of him why I was exhausted and frustrated.
I am exhausted and frustrated all over again, so you’ll have to check back to read about all the damage we did when we actually landed in Pittsburgh. That city will never be the same.