Tonight, I poured myself a glass of wine. The box (classy, I know) was almost empty so I had to tip it to get anything out. While doing this, I held the box of peanut butter crackers balancing on top of the box up with my forehead so as not to disrupt the chaos that was once my organized and alphabetized pantry.
Before I sat down to write this, I tripped over several stuffed animals. I walked past a half dozen crayola markers that littered the front entry way. I only noticed this as an afterthought because I had just descended from kissing the kids goodnight and I was still thinking about how I should have changed the kids’ sheets before they got in bed. And how I should have washed the syrup out of Ella’s hair today after breakfast. And how I hadn’t finished the dishes and the kitchen was a mess. So really, balancing some crackers up against my forehead really wasn’t a big change from today’s pace.
It’s late May. I’m a highschool teacher. Some of my seniors might not graduate. My kindergartner has two and a half million things going on this month. I signed him up for baseball and apparently he hates baseball. My four year old still wears diapers to bed. My husband couldn’t find his ipad because I had too much unread mail stacked on top of it. I’m off of my workout plan, and for the thirty-sixth summer in a row, I will not have a bikini body at the beach. Before I know it, graduations, family birthdays, and father’s day will be on my doorstep. I’m afraid I’ll forget gifts and parties. I’m afraid I’ll lose my mind.
Yesterday I went to get my hair done and my hair had a weird chemical reaction and almost fell out. You guys. I am totally not exaggerating. My hair stylist saved the day but gave me grave warnings about doing things like washing and brushing it. I am literally scared out of my mind that my hair is just going to all fall out any minute.
The thing is that I know lots of us mamas are at the end of our ropes here at the end of the school year. It doesn’t matter if we work or we stay at home; if we homeschool or private school or public school or unschool (get back to me on that one because I really don’t know what that is). We’ve all made it this far. This is the end of the year for mamas too; not just our kids. As frazzled as I am, I have a tiny bit advice for anyone feeling like their hair is going to fall out (and trust me, I’m right there with you. Literally.)
Today, I quit everything I was doing and snuggled with my kids. I promised myself twenty minutes on the couch. It then turned into thirty. Then forty-five. Did I feel like I wasted time “doing nothing” after that forty-five minutes? No. Instead I felt like it was the only correct thing I’d done in weeks. Everything stopped and I felt their hearts beat. I held their hands.
I’m not exactly sure what my lesson plans are for tomorrow. The coffee pot isn’t prepped yet. I sure didn’t spend any time reorganizing my pantry. But I did what mattered, and I can go into the week knowing my heart is full, my babies are loved, and I have the energy to get to the finish line. Just hug ‘em.